Are you there, Chelsea? It's me cancelled.

What a fucking abomination this show is. I took in the pilot episode Thursday night and if this show doesn't get cancelled mid season I will shave my eyebrows off and eat nothing but Burger King for a decade.

Chelsea Handler's schtick has run its course. We get it, you're quirky and opinionated and a bit crass, that doesn't translate to a funny sitcom. I must say this is the worst piece of shit I have seen on television this year. But like I said to Scott the other day I'm going down with the ship, I plan on taking in every single episode.

The show stars Laura Prepon from "That 70's Show" as Chelsea and Chelsea plays Laura's sister Sloan. The premise is absurd, the characters are awful, and the jokes are all completely mailed in. I'd love to be a fly on a wall during a table read for this show. I bet it's just a group of smarmy assholes chuckling at their own cynicism.

Here's a list of my main complaints about "Are you there, Chelsea?"

1. Lenny Clark: (who I have seen live and love as a standup) plays Laura Prepon's father. Thought Lenny was phenomenal on "Rescue Me", he was funnier when he was fat, but he's great even without the weight. My complaint is that his ridiculously thick accent makes him unbelievable as Laura's father. Lenny Clark is Boston, his accent makes it hard to really take him seriously on the show and it's all I can think about whenever he's in any scene.

2. NBC: feeling the need to shove Laura Prepon into the show to make it more marketable. I'm 28 years old, I am right in the meat of the key demographic for this show and I get that seeing a person my age as the main cast member might make this show more relatable to me. I however do not believe that it's necessary. Chelsea Handler has her moments she's clever enough, not my favorite but she is hardly (as of the pilot) the focus of the show at all. I don't think Laura Prepon is funny and in my opinion she hasn't really found anything that was a great fit for her beyond "Slackers" and "That 70's Show".

3. The token little person: I feel like this guy is going to be a big part of the show and I find it upsetting. The guy's name is Mark Povinelli, he gets work all over Hollywood from "Modern Family" to "Boardwalk Empire" and now he's part of the NBC family. Already in the pilot episode "Are you there, Chelsea?" has managed to make a mockery of the fact that he is vertically challenged and not even in a clever way. I foresee Mark's character being awful and all the jokes based around him being equally awful. Cheap short jokes aren't funny.

4. The quirky Whitney Cummings/Chelsea Handler NBC promos that are all over the place: I love Whitney Cummings I think she's funny, sexy, and a smart business woman when it comes to making the right career moves in Hollywood, but I look forward to these promos going away. I think both of their shows stink and have lousy casts and for some reason "Whitney" is succeeding (I credit Chris D'Elia). Perhaps it's because schmucks like me watch the show even though they don't enjoy it.

My prediction is that "Are you there Chelsea?" will not make it. I could be wrong, but I don't think I am.

ANK